


playing with the midnight air

by colourmeblue



Series: you're my ocean, painted blue [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: Beau watches as Yasha drops her head, and she swears she sees a faint blush appear on her cheeks. “I will always look to you first, when something happens. That’s just… it’s the way it has always been. It’s… a habit now.”An involuntary chuckle escapes Beau, not because it’s funny, but because butterflies have suddenly erupted in her chest. Sometimes Yasha says such simple things that have such a profound impact on her, it’s a little ridiculous. “You know, when you say things like that, it makes waiting for the date harder.”Yasha’s smile turns into a rare grin, before it settles back down almost immediately. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind."(Spoilers for E121.)
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: you're my ocean, painted blue [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595863
Comments: 6
Kudos: 196





	playing with the midnight air

After their day on the lava river, Beau itches to take watch with Yasha.

It’s not the first, second, or even third time that she’s waited until everyone else was asleep for an opportunity to talk to Yasha. And it’s not like they really  _ need _ to talk - they’ve already agreed that their date needs to be postponed until a better time. There’s nothing really  _ pressing _ that Beau needs to talk about.

The issue with being into someone as much as Beau is into Yasha - she wants to talk to her all the time. About everything. And when nobody else is able to listen in on them. Which is difficult, given their current circumstances. Not just with the Nein crowded together in the dome every night, but because Lucien seems to be capable of watching their every move.

The idea of having a date with Yasha in the tower when Lucien, who looks like their dead friend, could look in at any moment creeps her out.

She hates the guy.

Still, taking watch with Yasha, with Lucien likely watching on from afar and everyone else piled on top of each other in the dome, is better than nothing.

When Beau offers to take the first watch with her, Yasha gives her a quick smile, and the two of them try to ignore the looks and comments from the other members of the Nein. It’s nice that they seem happy and supportive, but more than anything, she doesn’t want their interference or their teasing or their leering. She just wants time with Yasha, which has been near-impossible in the past.

They make sure everyone is asleep before they say anything of real substance. Yasha sticks her leg outside the dome almost immediately, shovelling some fresh snow with her hand and dumping as much as possible on top of her leg.

Beau watches her with amusement, a single eyebrow raised. When Yasha looks back at her, her smile only widens.

“It’s warm in here. Cold out there.” Yasha points towards her leg.

Beau’s eyes follow her gesture, and she looks towards Yasha’s leg with a frown. She can still hear Yasha’s scream in her ears after her leg sunk into the lava. Still feels the dread of knowing she’s too far ahead of her to get to her. Still feels the relief washing over her when she turned around and saw her running along again, and then again when they had both made it to the top. It seems to be bothering Beau more than it does Yasha right now.

“How does it feel?”

“Still burns.” Yasha shrugs. “But I’m okay.”

Beau gives her a sympathetic look, and files the information away for later. Maybe there’s something in the tower she can use to help once they get back there. “…Scared the shit out of me, y’know.” She nods towards the leg. “I heard you yelling but… I was too far away.”

“I’m okay, Beau.” Beau doesn’t have to turn her head to know that Yasha is looking at her with soft, understanding eyes. She knows the exact series of emotions that Beau’s currently going through. She’s been through it in a way Beau hopes to never understand. 

“I know.” Yasha always is. “It’s just… it’s weird. It’s usually me who’s halfway to death and you’re saving me. I realised today that I’ve never really experienced it with you. Only when you were, y’know… taken.” And she never wants to experience it again. She doesn’t get scared very often, but she has a feeling that any close calls with Yasha are going to terrify her.

“Now you know how I feel every time you get swallowed by a giant demon baby.” The smile on Yasha’s face is somewhat cheeky, but Beau can see her eyes are telling a different story. Another unspoken thing meant only for Beau.

“You’re right.” Beau swallows, only the faintest hint of a smile on her lips. “It’s a pretty shitty feeling.”

“It does… put things into perspective.” Yasha tells her, and the distant look in her eyes makes Beau think she’s recalling an unpleasant memory.

“Y’know… It got me thinking about the Iron Shepherds. Finding you guys in that cage.  _ You _ , especially.” Beau swallows. It’s not a particularly fond memory. Especially since, at the time, she found herself having these feelings that she didn’t know what to do with. She’d brushed them away and slept with Keg, but it wasn’t until months later that she realised that she’d been terrified. “You were unconscious, but… it was the first time I’d ever seen you in pain like that.” She remembers it distinctly - the deep gashes across her body as torture instruments had been used on her. She barely knew her then, and yet she remembers feeling so strongly about it.

Yasha watches intently as she listens, not giving away any emotion on her face. Once Beau finishes talking, she pulls the sleeve of her jacket off and runs her thumb along a messy scar on her bicep. Both Beau and Yasha have a lot of scars, so it’s not exactly an uncommon sight, but Beau’s eyes are drawn there immediately.

“I got this one from them.” It’s almost a murmur. “I still remember it.”

Yasha doesn’t go into any detail, and Beau just stares at the scar. She wants more than anything to just leave here with Yasha. Go back to Nicodranas and have their date and just… get far away from any potential danger. “I know it was a long time ago, I don’t know why I even thought of it… I guess I was worried then, too.”

Yasha is silent for a moment. Like there are a few different responses she could say and she doesn’t know which to choose.

“It was hard.” Beau offers her a slight smile. And it was. It’s also something she’s never really admitted to anyone before, and it’s certainly the most she’s ever opened up to Yasha about her fears. Maybe a part of her wants Yasha to know that this is certainly two-sided. That it isn’t just Yasha who is protective of Beau, but vice versa as well.

“I’m glad you told me that.” Her voice is impossibly gentle, made of honey, and it’s another reminder for Beau that Yasha doesn’t speak nearly enough.

“I have a bad feeling. About Aeor and travelling with Lucien… like we’re just delaying the inevitable.” Beau looks down, fiddling with her fingers. She knows she’s giving away more about her emotions than she’s letting on, and she knows Yasha will notice that. But she wants to be as comfortable as possible revealing those kinds of things to Yasha, so she doesn’t hide it. It’s as if Yasha’s encouragement opened up a well inside of her. “I just have a feeling something bad’s going to happen. He wants that threshold crest and we don’t want to release the city. Just seems like we’re gonna fight him one way or the other. And they’re fucking powerful.”

Yasha watches and listens quietly. “You mean something could happen to one of us before… you know.”

Beau nods. “I feel like we already had all this time taken from us. If Obann hadn’t taken you, maybe we could’ve been…” She forces the thought away before shaking her head. “I don’t know. After Rumblecusp, I thought we’d have a little time.”

Yasha hesitates for a moment. “Well… I’m glad we took the extra time. I don’t think either of us were in a place before where we could… do this. At least… not me.”

Beau nods again, because she knows she’s right, she just hates that it took so long. There were so many weeks, maybe months, where they could’ve been starting something, and now the universe has decided that things have come to a head between them  _ just _ when they’re on their most dangerous journey yet. Beau wants to move forward more than anything, but the almost paralysing fear of losing Yasha (yet again) is a lot to handle. And they certainly can’t move forward being stuck in this dome all the time.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you. And… I don’t want to leave you behind either.” It’s the first time she’s ever really taken into consideration her  _ own _ safety. Sure, if she died, she’d be dead, and it wouldn’t matter anymore. It’s not something she’s ever sat down and considered, except for the brief moments after Dairon would tell her to stay alive. But she can’t think of anything worse than dying on Yasha, after everything she’s already been through, just when they’ve started something like this. It seems cruel, even though Beau knows it wouldn’t be either of their faults.

“Well… you already know I feel the same way.”

Unfortunately, they both know it’s not something either of them can control. Nor is it something that they, individually, can fix if something does go wrong. They’re at the whim of the universe, and maybe it is truly a case of enjoying what they have right now.

“But you have my back and I have yours,” Yasha offers, and Beau knows it’s the most she can give on the subject. “You know I will always, uh…” Beau watches as Yasha drops her head, and she swears she sees a faint blush appear on her cheeks. “I will always look to you first, when something happens. That’s just… it’s the way it has always been. It’s… a habit now.”

An involuntary chuckle escapes Beau, not because it’s funny, but because butterflies have suddenly erupted in her chest. Sometimes Yasha says such simple things that have such a profound impact on her, it’s a little ridiculous. “You know, when you say things like that, it makes waiting for the date harder.”

Yasha’s smile turns into a rare grin, before it settles back down almost immediately. “Well, I’ll keep that in mind.” She turns further away, as if to hide everything going on on her face. It’s her go-to move, and Beau finds it incredibly endearing. 

They sit in silence for a few moments, Beau focusing on the breathing of her companions around her and hoping that none of them are secretly awake and listening to them. She doesn’t feel like having that conversation with anyone tomorrow.

Yasha speaks up again. “Speaking of Lucien… you really got under his skin today. It was, uh… impressive.”

Beau smiles back. Impressing Yasha is certainly a feat to be proud of. “Yeah, well… the guy’s an asshole. Molly got under my skin but not like  _ that _ .” She contemplates for a second. “It was kinda fun, actually.”

Yasha chuckles. “Well, I won’t complain if you do it again.” 

Beau knows that at any other time, she’d be smirking and making some sort of flirty comment back at her. It’s not every day Yasha flirts with her so blatantly, but Beau’s mind is still on Lucien. He’s probably watching the two of them right now. Listening in. Watching and observing and taking in every piece that he can so that he can finally exploit their weaknesses when the time comes.

If she antagonises Lucien  _ too much _ , Yasha could be a target. Anyone in the Nein could be. If he’s paying enough attention to them, then he’s certainly seen all the times Beau has looked at Yasha. All the times that they’ve gone off to speak alone. Or even right now.

She can’t think about it like that. She knows she can’t.

“Beau.” Yasha’s soft voice instantly snaps Beau out of her spiral. Her initial flirty smile has fallen into a look of knowing concern. Like she can read her thoughts the second she has them. It takes Beau a second, but she notices Yasha’s fingers brushing against hers, before her hand scoops up her own.

Beau’s gaze flies to Yasha’s face, who is still looking down at their hands.Yasha is constantly surprising her, especially since the letter. It’s such a simple gesture, and it’s not like this is the first time, but Beau’s unsure why it makes her feel safer than ever before.

It’s not Yasha’s sheer size and strength and power that makes her feel comforted in times of distress. It’s her presence. It’s the way her eyes soften whenever she looks at Beau. It’s the way she says Beau’s name. It’s the memory of Yasha catching her, wings outstretched, when there wasn’t any real need to do so.

And now, with Beau’s hand in hers, it’s like Lucien, Aeor, and even the people with them in the dome, don’t exist for a moment.

“Thank you.” The words that leave Beau’s are quiet, but weighted. Due to the nature of the dome, they’re already sitting pretty close together, and Beau just leans to the side slightly so that her shoulder is bumping Yasha’s. 

Yasha squeezes her hand. “Maybe we should have left on that snow raft.”

Beau chuckles. “See? Told you it was a good idea.”

“Maybe when the world’s not on fire, yeah?”

“I like this plan.”

Yasha is silent for a moment before replying. “For now we just… stay alive.” Turning her head, she makes a point to look at Beau beside her.

Beau swallows. The weight of the words rest heavily on her. It seems to be their new mantra now. At least in this moment, and for the next six hours, they have the warmth and comfort of the dome, even if Lucien is watching them from the outside. Beau turns her head a little so that her eyes catch Yasha’s. 

“You should ice bath that leg of yours in the tower.” It may sound like some sort of dirty insinuation, but for once, Beau doesn’t mean it that way. She’s never really had a ‘nurturing’ side to her. It’s weird.

Beau feels the laugh escape Yasha, her body rumbling beside her. “I hope that’s, uh... not your first date idea.”

Beau smirks. She’s had many ideas for the date involving all sorts of things that the tower could provide. Mostly she just hopes they’re not too cheesy and Yasha actually likes it. She’s really  _ not _ a date planner. “You never know, I could work it in.”

Yasha smiles as she looks at Beau, and it takes Beau a second to notice that her hand has lifted towards her. Yasha brushes a single finger along Beau’s jawline, causing her entire body to react in a way she didn’t expect. But Yasha’s hand is gone as soon as it arrives, and the look in her eyes is hesitant, as if she feels she went too far.

Beau opens her mouth to speak before a loud snore from behind her catches her off guard. She tries to stifle a laugh, almost glad for the timely reminder that they’re not quite alone in here. It’s probably for the best. With Lucien likely watching, the last thing she wants to do is give away any  _ more _ clues about their group dynamic. He probably already knows far too much. Knowing the Nein, they’re not being careful enough at all.

“We should wake up Caleb and Veth for the next watch.” Beau almost has to force the words out of her mouth. If they weren’t in Eiselcross, if they didn’t need all their strength for what’s to come, she would happily sit up all night with Yasha. Watch the sun rise. Something cheesy that she’s never wanted to do with anyone else before. “You know… ‘s not bad for an almost-half-first-date.”

Yasha chuckles and looks down, clearly still feeling the effects of the almost-moment she caused. “I mean, we should definitely do it more often, I agree.”

Beau doesn’t allow the fear in this time, only nodding and smiling in an almost shy manner. “You got it.”

Yasha’s face gives nothing away when they wake up Caleb and Veth, even though Veth is most definitely trying to glean  _ something _ from their watch based on their facial expressions. Caleb’s probably doing so too, Beau thinks, but silently and carefully, like he usually does. 

Beau and Yasha curl up beside one another, facing each other, in the only space left in the dome. It’s not quite as cosy as they may have an opportunity to be in the future, but Beau will take what she can get for now. At least with the dome, she knows everyone is temporarily safe.

They don’t say anything because of Caleb and Veth sitting mere feet from them, but the last thing Beau sees before she drifts off is the colours of Yasha’s eyes, watching her fondly, keeping her safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Like all of the things in this series, it really offers _nothing_. It's just fun to write more inner thoughts based on what I interpret :-)


End file.
